I thought of writing a post about my resolutions/intentions for this new year on the 1st January. But traditionally the new year has never been a monumental date for me. But my birthday which follows in the next month has been special this year. I turned 30 this year. It seems like a new beginning. I don’t think I cared much beyond how the cake tasted when I turned 10. Turning 20 was ok too. But this new decade, seems full of new promises. New exciting promises.
The part of my 20s, before I met Z, seem like a haze. It was part of my growing years where over-the-top reactions to everything seemed to be the norm. The more irrational, the better. This quote by Meredith Grey from Grey’s Anatomy (if you haven’t heard about it, you haven’t missed much) was my status message once:
Dr. Meredith Grey: Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we’re wired that way. Because without it, I don’t know; maybe we just wouldn’t feel real. What’s that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.
I mean, c’mon. How sad is that?!! I cringe everytime I think that I put that up! People saw that!!
But then with Z, things changed. I changed. It’s as if I finally found my anchor. And I was ready to face and reach out for everything that I wanted. Infact, for the first time I knew what I wanted. I wasn’t cruising by, I was moving towards a tangible goal.
One of the most important things that he taught me was ‘We are past the age of reacting at things’. It took me some time to wrap my head around this concept. But it’s so true. There are days where I still slip. But it’s a work in progress. I’m happy with how far I’ve come. But there’s so much room for improvement.
I can’t really begrudge my 20s. I met Z, got a wonderful job, made great friends, and to top it all, had a healthy & sweet baby, who’s almost one (that’s another post though). But I’m really excited for this new decade. There are so many things that I want to try. Knitting, cooking, getting around to making my Pinterest pins a reality and new adventures with bebu. It’s as if I’ve a fresh blank canvas & I can turn it into whatever I want. And I’m excited to start!